Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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