dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
