good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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