I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
