you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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