I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
