they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
