Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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