Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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