i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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