btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
