he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
