You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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