Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
