I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
