Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
