The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize