I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
