So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
