Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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