my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
