dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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