My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
