It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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