My nipple is on Facebook.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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