epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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