you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
