is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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