My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
vagina is talking i cant
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I have post one night stand depression
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