but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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