last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
