god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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