I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
