I'm sorry my penis didn't work
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
