My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
