my mouth tastes like poor choices
another moral hangover. fuck.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
