I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
