Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
