i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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