i would punch a child for taco bell
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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