im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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