You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize