I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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