My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
