you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
