If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
