I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
