He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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