I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
