i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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