I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fuck appropriateness.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm both gender and math confused
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
