I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
