Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
