doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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