Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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