Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
