he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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