the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
