Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
