I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Damn victory sex feels great
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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