He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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