My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
